How Loneliness Haunts Her!

Most Indian girls go through this. She had a broken marriage. She was hesitant to attend any functions, with the thought of answering unwanted taunting questions. Few family functions are most important which she can not avoid. She had a brothers wedding which she cannot miss. It’s a big fat wedding. During the process she was humiliated so much in the name of rituals. She smiled throughout. There comes these photo sessions where everyone are with their spouses. Each one is busy with their own families. Naturally she missed her spouse and she was left alone. She was crying inside but she cannot create a scene in the wedding hall. It was painful for her. There are these people who talks about her that “ how in spite of having a broken marriage she is so happy and enjoying. Nowhere she is showing she has pain. Some people even cursed her that god has done the right thing to her. They even said , she deserves all of it”. She is so much hurt to hear all these. Now it’s time to look at the wedding albums. Everywhere she is alone. Her parents are together , sister is with her family and also brother has his own now. She has no one ! The wedding album haunts every time she takes a look at it. Her eyes are wet while viewing the wedding album!

Even before her brother’s marriage she went through so much humiliation by listening to the free advises given to her. That how she should be and not to be after her brothers wedding. People are so keen in giving suggestions irrespective of she wants or not . Each and every minute they make her think she is all alone. It’s some people and society who will not let her come out of the pain she is going through.

Of course one cannot make everyone happy and so does she. Leave her to herself. Mind your own business. Stop being judgemental about her life. You really don’t know what she is going through!

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Quarantined?

Hello..! Let’s discuss on how were those quarantine days ! Like everyone , I was feeling terrible during lockdown due to pandemic. The only 2 things I don’t like now is Corona and Cooking. Corona has shaken almost everyone. These media’s have made everyone hate news channels by telecasting about corona 24/7 till date. The only topic of discussion right now is Covid-19.

Many days I felt like crying for being stuck at home for several days/weeks/months like this which never happened before. It felt like a jail. Everytime I felt depressed i was curious to check with people if am the only one who is feeling this way or it’s the same for everybody. The moment they used to say, even they are feeling unusual, later I was feeling better thinking , it’s not just me who is going through this phase. Also I was getting lot of bad thoughts about life.

These are few things I felt or heard during this lockdown. 1. Irritation for every small things 2. Lack of interest in everything 3. As whole time busy with household which is depressing 4. Super bored and Lonely feeling 5.Lack of entertainment 6. Lack of topics to discuss during calls with friends 7. Felt there is no space at home as everybody at home all the time 8. Felt there is no time for relaxing or “my time” kind.

We had no choice but to except these feelings and move on till the day got better. Look at the way how everyone are used to the mask now everytime stepping out of the house also how everyone is aware of sanitising their hands every now and then!! Meanwhile it was very saddening to hear or see some people how they couldn’t cope up with the depression and ended their lives. Nobody had expected that there would be days like this. It was a shock for everyone but better days are coming. Trust me. Things will never be the same bad and good days are ahead. If you have any problems, please chose someone you are comfortable and speak out instead of suffering yourself or find a way to get rid of bad thoughts. Do not make hasty decisions. Life is beautiful and there are lot of things we still have to see and do and achieve. So always Live,Love and Laugh.

Thanks for reading!

What is Love?

I am in Love mood today! What do you think about Love? If Love can’t be defined, why do we call some feeling as Love?? Is it okay if we love two people at the same time?? Have you ever experienced Love?Do you think it’s even right to love two people and being in relationship at the same time? Isnt it called cheating / betrayal? Why people are possessive in Love? If Love is never ending , why will people break up in Love? Can Love happen once or multiple times ? What is True Love?

Will people get into relationships out of love or Lust or by force ? If one relationship can end after being in love so much, what is the guarantee of next relationship? Or is it better to be with someone without any commitments or any strings?? If so , then what is Love?? We can’t predict our feelings right??

If love can keep changing from one person o another person , why do people say it as True Love and it is eternal or never ending ?? Earlier people used to die for the one whom they loved. Now the definition of Love has changed. In the current trend, Love with one person is temporary. It remains as long as one of them or both of them gets bored. I have been searching for a proper definition of Love and relationship but unable to find it till now. Honestly , I don’t know what is Love.

People say they love each other and get into relationships/marriages. Then they break it so easily as if it means nothing to them. In this case where did all the previous love go? Moving on is the next thing which eventually happen. But What is love? If Love can disappear from the relationship , why do you even call it Love or True Love or Never ending Love ? Why can’t we call this as a attraction or temporary attraction instead of Love? How many of us have the same feeling ??

If you ask me, I would say If Love is unconditional, Parents are the only definition. They give birth, care constantly, secure us and they never leave us till death. May be love is a wrong word if we use it otherwise. To an extent, siblings also can be categorised under Love.

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Lost many years in doing right things!

Don’t you think so ?? By focusing on doing right things , we are forgetting how to live today! Trust me , you can’t make everyone happy. Not everyone will appreciate. Let me take you back to the childhood . It all starts with being eldest child in the family who believed to struggle for every small thing in life 😂. If you want you just compare with your life if you have siblings. Eldest child will struggle and the younger ones easily get almost everything without any struggle. Starting from bicycle 🚲, be it a mobile phone , bike, car , etc.

Also being eldest child, you are always forced to do right things and make no mistakes😂. Because you have your younger ones following you looking at you! Ah God! This is so stressful. How can you not do mistakes while growing up? Human tendency is to make mistakes and learn out of them. Also while growing up , it’s only comparison with other children and trust me, you are mostly wrong compare to other children in your parents eyes 😂. Again you have to work on making your parents believe you can also be better or best than others out there. Isn’t it so much to handle in that age apart from your studies , sports , entertainment??

When you grow up , again parents are scared to see the changes in your behaviour , attraction to the outside world! One small change in you, they are worried! Again you have to focus on doing right things😂 why don’t these parents let their children make mistakes and learn out of it themselves instead of pressurising their children to do right things always ?? May be what looks like right to you may look like wrong to me! Let us get into the life ourself and learn. Give some freedom to the children to understand what is right or wrong . Sometimes if you tell me repeatedly not to do something , I will be more curious to do it ! That’s human behaviour to be curious , specially while growing up. More you restrict , more I do wrong things. We all grown ups have lost so many years in forcing ourself to do right things. In that journey, we have lost being ourself.

It’s something like I pretending to be someone else. The more I focused on right things, more I worried about what people say and I stopped living my life. I have been through difficult times in every stage of life inspite of doing right things . Then they call it all fate or Karma😂 if something to be called fate , why should we even bother to do right things always ? Being always right gets boring you see 😜. Basically do what makes you happy. Now don’t ask me if smoking or drinking makes me happy , can I smoke or drink? 😂. Am sure you know what I meant!!

Thanks for reading!

Poke your haters once in a while!

It gives a strange kick when I think of haters. To poke them to know about me gives even more pleasure specially when am in much better place than them. I know ignorance is a bliss but sorry , I can’t ignore some special ones 😉.

When you know someone hates you, make sure you live a good life in-front of them. Even if something is wrong , just make sure you show off you are awesome! Which will surely poke them. As and when you get a chance to meet them and show you are happy, don’t miss an opportunity like how I do 😂

You don’t waste your time for them. They would be very keen to know about you and they are watching you. The moment you learn to handle them, you live your life to the fullest 😂 Keep your friends close, haters much closer. But the joy of poking your haters is beyond imagination.

Thanks for reading!

College Crush!

It was first day of her Bachelors. She is pretty and all excited to start her first day . She does lot of shopping 🛍 so that she don’t repeat any dresses . She is very particular about her dressing like all other girls of her age . It’s sharp 9am and she is in the classroom . There are about 80 people in the classroom and she is just waiting for someone to come and talk to her and comfort her. She is a bit choosy when it comes to friends. So the first day is full of introduction and knowing about everyone in the classroom. From the next day classes commenced.

She enters the classroom second day and there is a guy who is starring at her. First she ignores . It will keep on repeating every now and then. She could feel the stare and she also will start looking at him as a prank. After a while everytime he looked at her butterflies started flying in her tummy like all college girls of that age. Looking at each other they finish an year. Both of them passing by each other and staring at each other and so on. He never tried speaking to her nor did she. She was happy in the crush phase!

Second year accidentally they meet in the canteen with no friends with them. As usual both eyes meet and they finally decides to talk . She will wait for him to come and talk first but he is shy! Then she will only proceed with her first talk and then they started meeting each other and talking to each other outside the college. Both of them were scared of people making fun in the college. She likes him a way bit more than she though. May be it’s teenage effect. One fine day he proposes her and he tells her not to tell anybody in the college. She did not understand the reason though. She will ask for a reason and he would just tell her not to tell anyone. Somehow the next day of him proposing she will go to college and she looks super happy, blushing in movie style . Naturally her friends noticed her and asked her for the reason again and again . She couldn’t stop telling that how her guy proposed. The moment she reveals her friends , this guy enters and witnesses her breaking the promise while passing by that morning while entering the classroom.

That day she has a strange feeling that he is not looking at her. Inspite of her making an eye contact with him, he is intentionally not looking at her. She feels bad and go back home in the evening and try to check her emails. There is a new email waiting from him to her saying , let us be strangers forever. Her heart breaks and she did not send any reply. Rest of the Bachelor degree got over in their hide and seek game of staring into each other. They both moved into different jobs later and never contacted again. Till date she is surprised for the reason he told her not to tell anybody and reason for breakup. Their love just ended as a college crush.

Thanks for reading!

An amateur date on TINDER!

Like everyone else , this lockdown has made me also get bored. I can’t describe the level of boredom though . I am never locked inside home like this before. In fact none of us . It was the same monotonous routine and suddenly I thought of exploring a dating site for a timepass for the first time. Out of curiosity I googled which are all the dating sites and it showed many like Tinder, bumble, and so on.

Tinder was something familiar to me as some of my friends used to keep talking about it and felt may be I should explore it. So one night I was super bored and decided to install this app. Later I started exploring this app. Soon after installing , I could see a lot of profiles getting displayed. Much before reading the instructions I just started swiping on the profiles left and right just to see which what next. Then suddenly I notice that my inbox getting filled up with a lot of messages 😂 I was super happy though without knowing what kind of conversations there could be. So many windows were popping up here and there showing interest in talking. I tried my best to talk to some 7-8 people at the same time. Almost everyone were looking for a sex partner and nothing else and one guy was talking about his bad life which was super boring. But this app kept me busy for sometime that night and at some point I got bored and deleted the app very next day 🤣

Finally before I deleted the app I got to know swiping a profile left and right indicated your interest and disinterest😉. It was fun though. For me , direct sex in the first talk was a major turn off😂. Then suddenly I realised may be am a bit old for this concept or outdated(Just Kidding)😜. Or may be I expected much more contented talks than just sex.

Thanks for reading!

She found a Delicious Cheesecake!

She is looking for someone in Facebook and accidentally, unknowingly she sends a friend request to someone else. That someone will reply her after a day or two asking if she know him. She replies, it was may be by mistake and she was looking for someone else in the same name as his. As it’s a smart phone age, request might have got sent accidentally.

After few weeks, she was depressed! She was going through a lot of things in her life. Here comes a day she would want to talk to someone new and there comes an active status of this person whom she accidentally had sent a request. She won’t hesitate. She will message him in Facebook messenger saying “hey,can we talk for sometime? Am really getting bored”. She would think he wouldn’t reply her but for her surprise he replies her and try to listen to her. Just like a psychiatrist who sits and listen to their patients! She feels so much better and thank him for his patience and time . Later both gets busy with their lives.

After few weeks, he feels like checking about her and texts her. She replies and thank him again for listening to her the other day. Now their talk takes the next level. He suggests her that she should relieve her mental and physical stress. He will talk to her more and more and make her open up about the fantasy world. He realises she is too romantic from her talks. More she talks, more he wants her to try him. She know how to make him melt and he will melt like a cheese cake. For sure he looks like a Delicious Cheese Cake who would melt once she touches him! They haven’t met each other till date. Both talks well . He makes her smile and laugh everytime they talk. She is sure that she doesn’t want to get into bed with him because he is a yummy cheese cake and an addiction. She is on Diet you see!

They enjoy each other’s yummy talks and fill their tummies with the romance and laughter. He liked her talks and imaginations and he loved being in her imagination forever and ever. They still talk but haven’t met. And she calls him, hey Delicious Cheesecake! And he says he melts!😉

He asks her if she needs a bite? She says she will just lick and can’t have a bite because of her diet. She was looking for a snack and she found a yummy delicious cheesecake which she can’t eat🙂 Rest of the things I will leave it to your imagination.

Thanks for reading!

My friend Eloped!

Basically I dream😛 I dream a lot. Now am talking about the literal dreams which we get while sleeping 💤. It’s mostly, other people come into my dreams . Sometimes even imaginary characters appear and people whom I had not spoken to or met also come in my dreams. Am not sure if it happens to everyone. Some funny dreams I catch hold of and store them in my memory so that I can share it with them and spread a good laugh😂.

So here what happened when I was in my PU, like everyone else I was also going for tuitions and we had a group of friends. Me and my best friend joined the same college and tuition. One day suddenly I had a dream that she was eloping with one handicap (with no legs) and her father chasing her and then they both hid in a bush. Let me not name her. She will kill me otherwise for reminding her about this forgotten dream of mine 😂. Seriously I couldn’t stop laughing about that dream. The first thing I did the next morning was to go to the tuitions and call everyone to tell this dream. May be it was a sunday and we had tuition both in the morning and evening as Sunday special🤣.

Everyone gathered. That day for some reason she came late and I went early. By the time she reached tuition I had told everyone about the dream and soon she entered everyone started laughing . And people had doubts also that how an handicap run? She was in shock that Why everyone is laughing at her . She comes and asks what happened and she get to know about my dream about her. She come to me so angrily and asks me how dare you dream about me that too like this ..!! 😂 she dint talk to me almost for 2-3 day’s. And then we laughed about it. Then Everyday she started asking about my next dream😂😂😂 Somehow am unable to take this dream out of my head🤯.

Thanks for reading!

When She was pregnant! Part-2

In continuation with Part-1, she sleeps off that night as her husband was busy partying with his sister and friends. His sister always wanted her brother to be with her more than him being with his wife. Also she never cared about her husband or her matrimonial house. More than her mother she was not ready to leave her brother to his wife. Basically she wanted to do everything for her brother without giving much trouble to his wife including her private space. She wanted to be a part of every bit. She would know each bit happening in the bed room ( imagine!). It’s something like a round table conference in their family that what happens in their bedroom. In case if she calls her husband , it was a conference call or loud speaker call. If her parents call him for anything , again it’s either a loud speaker or a conference. So think of privacy she had in her marriage. Initially she was feeling so shameful to know everyone talks about everything. No matter how “A” rated the matter is. Including everything happens in the bedroom. Later she tells her parents about the same and even they felt a bit weird but they were too shameful to discuss it with their son in law or his family. They told her to adjust or to handle herself. Sometimes during late nights if she and her husband were talking, thr sister in law used to call and ask she can hear them talking and what is her brother doing that late whenever she stayed in the same house. She mostly stayed back at her mother house post her college. BTW she was a lecturer in a college. She used to always say she love her brother more than anything in the world( as if she is the only one blessed with a brother on this whole universe ). The moment she see her brother showing little care or affection towards his wife, it’s a gone case. Next day surely a big fight between husband and wife. She had made her brother a puppet. By default her parents were on her side. Father was numb because he was unable to speak against his wife and children. How can she like her?? She needed her privacy at least in this pregnancy matter and see who gets the UPT kit!! Hope I explained the reason why she hated her so much! Even the sister in law hated her so much but then she was pretending as if she loved her so much. Do you think anyone would be dumb enough for not knowing reasons for their fights inside the bedroom?? How silly of her sister in law!

And let’s get back to the actual thing. The husband returns from his night party may be by 12:30am on Sunday, and try to hug her and talk nicely as he was drunk and also because he left her and went. Also he is curious about the test result. She just did not speak much and silently she says goodnight and pretended to be sleepy. Then he sleeps off.

The same morning he couldn’t sleep well and he wakes her up early morning like 4am and they start speaking. This was something usual between them . If they were good, they used to talk more and more. Or sometimes if he was guilty, he used to feel sorry about it and used to treat her well and wanted to talk to her more . He was never been apologetic but she could feel he was guilty. He notices her being still angry and takes her into his arms and talk nicely. She could have been easily fooled by his nice and yummy talks you see! Then her anger came down and he asks her about the UPT result. She tells him, it’s a surprise and she laughs! But she could feel his curiosity. Later it may be around 6am and she finally decided to tell him what happened. Saying the result was faintly positive. She may be pregnant. He says it’s not possible and he is been very careful and all. Somehow after few minutes he couldn’t stay in the room and he went down. Their room was upstairs and the house was down. She din’t know what to do and she was just on the bed in the room imagining his thoughts and why he suddenly went off like that. It continued for an hour or so.

Then after an hour , his father go to the sons room and try to talk to her about it. He loved her like a daughter(more than his daughter). That’s what he mentioned to her many times in the absence of his wife and children. He was also helpless knowing how his wife and daughter were influencing on his son’s marriage. Let’s get back to the point. Now his father tells , it was too early for their son to have a baby as it’s just 6 months of marriage. In case if the result is positive , she should be think about it. By the way, the husband was 33years by then and she was 30years. She started weeping and kept silent without saying anything. Because inside her head she was so hesitated to talk anything thinking if this is the topic a husband should discuss or his father! He spoke and went down. But his father was the one who wanted his son to have a baby soon at-least then son would change for better and towards his wife by leaving his much focus on his mother and sister. After sometime she gets freshen up and go down for the regular kitchen work. His parents have gone for a wedding Non-veg lunch meanwhile the daughter stayed back home and takes an appointment in her brother’s friends hospital which was close to his fitness studio he owned that time. Then her husband tells her to get ready for a salon inauguration and then they need to go for a check up. She believes it and go with him. She was even told in case if she get pregnant, his family should be informed first and if they say no, then she shouldn’t proceed. She should not even tell her family without his family consent. Later she don’t know what happened in the tests of that hospital or with the medicine they gave. The reports came negative and said she was not pregnant. Her dream shattered followed by my mother in laws torture saying to turn her son towards herside (daughter in law side) , she lied. Is it a news to lie?? Can any girl hide her baby bum if it’s a lie?? After 2-3 days of hospital appointment she got her periods. After this the husband did not sleep with her for 2-3 weeks thinking she will get pregnant. It seems when he heard the news his wife may be a pregnant, he got chills and he was shivering as his family members said later as if like he is becoming father to an illegal child. After which the mother in law made sure she will keep track of her daughter in law monthly cycle and made sure she will feed her enough of black sesame seeds by making sweet out of it or raw papaya. And the mother in law tells daughter in law , nowadays girls are so forward that girls should know how to use protection and not to get pregnant. Look at her! Her son wants all the pleasure and Daughter in law should be taking pills and spoiling her health! Wow!! Kudos to this monster in law 👏 Till date when she hear about other girls being pregnant, for a real reason she gets depressed and she try not to attend many functions. Because it reminds her of the pregnancy incident she went through. It’s not that she jealous about other girls but Its about feeling sad for herself.

Am literally in tears while writing this. From the time Ria was married , her mother in law always accused her when nobody were around that she separating her husband from them all. But all daughter in law needed was a little Love , Care and a good family, not a separate house. As a surprise about the pregnancy check up she gets to know much later that it was for a termination of pregnancy(After the beating incident as mentioned in the earlier blog).

Thanks for reading!