Am I Judgemental?

Just today I read somewhere that not judging people is a sign of maturity. Over the years I have changed a lot about judging people. Earlier I was thinking much about what others are doing or where they are going and so on. With time I have changed my thoughts and decided not to judge others because judging someone defines who I am. I realised that I find more peace when I don’t think of others. Also after I started writing, I analyse things more than usual. If someone wants to complain about others, I start listening and try to understand both side of the stories and sometimes I feel either both parties are wrong or right in their own ways. In such cases it is better to be neutral than supporting any one party. That’s when I decided unless knowing what exactly each person is going through, one should not judge. When I cannot control what a person is going through, I have no rights to judge him/her. You never know what one is battling in life.

I must say, writing is making me a better person. The thought process has gotten wider and totally changed for the better. Here is an example of a girl and a boy. Let’s assume both are going through a relationship breakdown. A boy can have multiple relationships even after breakdown but a girl cannot have. Inspite of both going through the same issue. Men won’t be judged but women are getting judged. Why is that? I am not here weighing a man and woman or their deeds. But if someone has opted for the life they want, let them live it. Who am I to judge anyone! I’m glad that I realised how not judging is so important in life.

A person may be posting happy pictures on their social media account but he/she may be sad deep inside. Many a times people post happy things only because they are afraid to get judged badly if they post negative or sad things. People, it’s common. It’s ok to be sad or heart broken or hurt. It’s alright to show these emotions. I can’t change the world but at least am happy that I have decided not to be judgemental about anybody out there. Also, I speak when my opinion matters (I learnt this from a wise man).

Thanks for reading!

Abraham’s Story

My First Love

Somewhere in the mid 90’s, between the transition from primary to high school, I fell in love with this girl. Love or what was it, a crush maybe? She was beautiful, well mannered, loving and caring. Of my vivid recollections of her, she would come in a big caramel colored car with her dad. Her parents were our family friends as well, they were special to us. We would hang out often doing this and that. She was the love of my life, I was a shy guy and had no courage to speak to her openly, I had a crush over her. Slowly things changed, her father passed on, we continued to remain friends. We would visit each other’s homes after Sunday Mass.

Somehow although shy, I made up my mind and confessed my love to her. It was a smooth start, suddenly it was like the stars aligned in my favor, like she knew it was bound to happen, we knew we were in love and I filled that empty space with those three magical words, with that we were officially a couple, alright, a mini couple if there is something like that. We were lovers for the very first time in our lives. That bliss!

I vividly remember that moment, a very cold December evening, about 8 maybe.. clear skies with plenty of stars, walking towards her farm gates, our parents ahead of us unaware of what was happening. I told her that I was madly in love with her and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, it was a mutual feeling. That long walk and each moment spent was unforgettable. There are no words to describe how I felt at that moment. Ecstatic. I was excited to meet her the next day but the winter holidays had just begun, no school, I had to wait till Sunday, after mass. The very thought of it was frustrating. I tried all kinds of things to get a glimpse, to meet but nothing seemed to work. I was angry and sad at the same time. Teenage pangs! To my utter delight, she happened to come home that evening. My joy knew no bounds. I was so in love that I really didn’t know what was happening with me, I became more aware of my surroundings, the people around me, everyday was like a new day. I appreciated my family, my friends and loved them all the more. Her and me being in the same school, my school days were all the more memorable and I’ll cherish them for ever. Everything with that lovely curly haired girl was beautiful, the innocence of that love. There was nothing more I ever wanted.

Being in love for the first time or rather my first love taught me a lot many things along the way. First and foremost to be patient and to slow down, everything comes to you. As I said life seemed perfect, no hurdles. I was madly in love with her. Over time, life has its own twists and turns which many might not understand. Nothing is perfect, nothing in life is permanent. I had the pleasure of being in love, the most beautiful experience, something i would treasure all my life. A love that i would never forget. Love is beautiful indeed! ❤️

Quarantined?

Hello..! Let’s discuss on how were those quarantine days ! Like everyone , I was feeling terrible during lockdown due to pandemic. The only 2 things I don’t like now is Corona and Cooking. Corona has shaken almost everyone. These media’s have made everyone hate news channels by telecasting about corona 24/7 till date. The only topic of discussion right now is Covid-19.

Many days I felt like crying for being stuck at home for several days/weeks/months like this which never happened before. It felt like a jail. Everytime I felt depressed i was curious to check with people if am the only one who is feeling this way or it’s the same for everybody. The moment they used to say, even they are feeling unusual, later I was feeling better thinking , it’s not just me who is going through this phase. Also I was getting lot of bad thoughts about life.

These are few things I felt or heard during this lockdown. 1. Irritation for every small things 2. Lack of interest in everything 3. As whole time busy with household which is depressing 4. Super bored and Lonely feeling 5.Lack of entertainment 6. Lack of topics to discuss during calls with friends 7. Felt there is no space at home as everybody at home all the time 8. Felt there is no time for relaxing or “my time” kind.

We had no choice but to except these feelings and move on till the day got better. Look at the way how everyone are used to the mask now everytime stepping out of the house also how everyone is aware of sanitising their hands every now and then!! Meanwhile it was very saddening to hear or see some people how they couldn’t cope up with the depression and ended their lives. Nobody had expected that there would be days like this. It was a shock for everyone but better days are coming. Trust me. Things will never be the same bad and good days are ahead. If you have any problems, please chose someone you are comfortable and speak out instead of suffering yourself or find a way to get rid of bad thoughts. Do not make hasty decisions. Life is beautiful and there are lot of things we still have to see and do and achieve. So always Live,Love and Laugh.

Thanks for reading!

Lost many years in doing right things!

Don’t you think so ?? By focusing on doing right things , we are forgetting how to live today! Trust me , you can’t make everyone happy. Not everyone will appreciate. Let me take you back to the childhood . It all starts with being eldest child in the family who believed to struggle for every small thing in life 😂. If you want you just compare with your life if you have siblings. Eldest child will struggle and the younger ones easily get almost everything without any struggle. Starting from bicycle 🚲, be it a mobile phone , bike, car , etc.

Also being eldest child, you are always forced to do right things and make no mistakes😂. Because you have your younger ones following you looking at you! Ah God! This is so stressful. How can you not do mistakes while growing up? Human tendency is to make mistakes and learn out of them. Also while growing up , it’s only comparison with other children and trust me, you are mostly wrong compare to other children in your parents eyes 😂. Again you have to work on making your parents believe you can also be better or best than others out there. Isn’t it so much to handle in that age apart from your studies , sports , entertainment??

When you grow up , again parents are scared to see the changes in your behaviour , attraction to the outside world! One small change in you, they are worried! Again you have to focus on doing right things😂 why don’t these parents let their children make mistakes and learn out of it themselves instead of pressurising their children to do right things always ?? May be what looks like right to you may look like wrong to me! Let us get into the life ourself and learn. Give some freedom to the children to understand what is right or wrong . Sometimes if you tell me repeatedly not to do something , I will be more curious to do it ! That’s human behaviour to be curious , specially while growing up. More you restrict , more I do wrong things. We all grown ups have lost so many years in forcing ourself to do right things. In that journey, we have lost being ourself.

It’s something like I pretending to be someone else. The more I focused on right things, more I worried about what people say and I stopped living my life. I have been through difficult times in every stage of life inspite of doing right things . Then they call it all fate or Karma😂 if something to be called fate , why should we even bother to do right things always ? Being always right gets boring you see 😜. Basically do what makes you happy. Now don’t ask me if smoking or drinking makes me happy , can I smoke or drink? 😂. Am sure you know what I meant!!

Thanks for reading!

Poke your haters once in a while!

It gives a strange kick when I think of haters. To poke them to know about me gives even more pleasure specially when am in much better place than them. I know ignorance is a bliss but sorry , I can’t ignore some special ones 😉.

When you know someone hates you, make sure you live a good life in-front of them. Even if something is wrong , just make sure you show off you are awesome! Which will surely poke them. As and when you get a chance to meet them and show you are happy, don’t miss an opportunity like how I do 😂

You don’t waste your time for them. They would be very keen to know about you and they are watching you. The moment you learn to handle them, you live your life to the fullest 😂 Keep your friends close, haters much closer. But the joy of poking your haters is beyond imagination.

Thanks for reading!

College Crush!

It was first day of her Bachelors. She is pretty and all excited to start her first day . She does lot of shopping 🛍 so that she don’t repeat any dresses . She is very particular about her dressing like all other girls of her age . It’s sharp 9am and she is in the classroom . There are about 80 people in the classroom and she is just waiting for someone to come and talk to her and comfort her. She is a bit choosy when it comes to friends. So the first day is full of introduction and knowing about everyone in the classroom. From the next day classes commenced.

She enters the classroom second day and there is a guy who is starring at her. First she ignores . It will keep on repeating every now and then. She could feel the stare and she also will start looking at him as a prank. After a while everytime he looked at her butterflies started flying in her tummy like all college girls of that age. Looking at each other they finish an year. Both of them passing by each other and staring at each other and so on. He never tried speaking to her nor did she. She was happy in the crush phase!

Second year accidentally they meet in the canteen with no friends with them. As usual both eyes meet and they finally decides to talk . She will wait for him to come and talk first but he is shy! Then she will only proceed with her first talk and then they started meeting each other and talking to each other outside the college. Both of them were scared of people making fun in the college. She likes him a way bit more than she though. May be it’s teenage effect. One fine day he proposes her and he tells her not to tell anybody in the college. She did not understand the reason though. She will ask for a reason and he would just tell her not to tell anyone. Somehow the next day of him proposing she will go to college and she looks super happy, blushing in movie style . Naturally her friends noticed her and asked her for the reason again and again . She couldn’t stop telling that how her guy proposed. The moment she reveals her friends , this guy enters and witnesses her breaking the promise while passing by that morning while entering the classroom.

That day she has a strange feeling that he is not looking at her. Inspite of her making an eye contact with him, he is intentionally not looking at her. She feels bad and go back home in the evening and try to check her emails. There is a new email waiting from him to her saying , let us be strangers forever. Her heart breaks and she did not send any reply. Rest of the Bachelor degree got over in their hide and seek game of staring into each other. They both moved into different jobs later and never contacted again. Till date she is surprised for the reason he told her not to tell anybody and reason for breakup. Their love just ended as a college crush.

Thanks for reading!

An amateur date on TINDER!

Like everyone else , this lockdown has made me also get bored. I can’t describe the level of boredom though . I am never locked inside home like this before. In fact none of us . It was the same monotonous routine and suddenly I thought of exploring a dating site for a timepass for the first time. Out of curiosity I googled which are all the dating sites and it showed many like Tinder, bumble, and so on.

Tinder was something familiar to me as some of my friends used to keep talking about it and felt may be I should explore it. So one night I was super bored and decided to install this app. Later I started exploring this app. Soon after installing , I could see a lot of profiles getting displayed. Much before reading the instructions I just started swiping on the profiles left and right just to see which what next. Then suddenly I notice that my inbox getting filled up with a lot of messages 😂 I was super happy though without knowing what kind of conversations there could be. So many windows were popping up here and there showing interest in talking. I tried my best to talk to some 7-8 people at the same time. Almost everyone were looking for a sex partner and nothing else and one guy was talking about his bad life which was super boring. But this app kept me busy for sometime that night and at some point I got bored and deleted the app very next day 🤣

Finally before I deleted the app I got to know swiping a profile left and right indicated your interest and disinterest😉. It was fun though. For me , direct sex in the first talk was a major turn off😂. Then suddenly I realised may be am a bit old for this concept or outdated(Just Kidding)😜. Or may be I expected much more contented talks than just sex.

Thanks for reading!

My friend Eloped!

Basically I dream😛 I dream a lot. Now am talking about the literal dreams which we get while sleeping 💤. It’s mostly, other people come into my dreams . Sometimes even imaginary characters appear and people whom I had not spoken to or met also come in my dreams. Am not sure if it happens to everyone. Some funny dreams I catch hold of and store them in my memory so that I can share it with them and spread a good laugh😂.

So here what happened when I was in my PU, like everyone else I was also going for tuitions and we had a group of friends. Me and my best friend joined the same college and tuition. One day suddenly I had a dream that she was eloping with one handicap (with no legs) and her father chasing her and then they both hid in a bush. Let me not name her. She will kill me otherwise for reminding her about this forgotten dream of mine 😂. Seriously I couldn’t stop laughing about that dream. The first thing I did the next morning was to go to the tuitions and call everyone to tell this dream. May be it was a sunday and we had tuition both in the morning and evening as Sunday special🤣.

Everyone gathered. That day for some reason she came late and I went early. By the time she reached tuition I had told everyone about the dream and soon she entered everyone started laughing . And people had doubts also that how an handicap run? She was in shock that Why everyone is laughing at her . She comes and asks what happened and she get to know about my dream about her. She come to me so angrily and asks me how dare you dream about me that too like this ..!! 😂 she dint talk to me almost for 2-3 day’s. And then we laughed about it. Then Everyday she started asking about my next dream😂😂😂 Somehow am unable to take this dream out of my head🤯.

Thanks for reading!

When She was pregnant! Part-2

In continuation with Part-1, she sleeps off that night as her husband was busy partying with his sister and friends. His sister always wanted her brother to be with her more than him being with his wife. Also she never cared about her husband or her matrimonial house. More than her mother she was not ready to leave her brother to his wife. Basically she wanted to do everything for her brother without giving much trouble to his wife including her private space. She wanted to be a part of every bit. She would know each bit happening in the bed room ( imagine!). It’s something like a round table conference in their family that what happens in their bedroom. In case if she calls her husband , it was a conference call or loud speaker call. If her parents call him for anything , again it’s either a loud speaker or a conference. So think of privacy she had in her marriage. Initially she was feeling so shameful to know everyone talks about everything. No matter how “A” rated the matter is. Including everything happens in the bedroom. Later she tells her parents about the same and even they felt a bit weird but they were too shameful to discuss it with their son in law or his family. They told her to adjust or to handle herself. Sometimes during late nights if she and her husband were talking, thr sister in law used to call and ask she can hear them talking and what is her brother doing that late whenever she stayed in the same house. She mostly stayed back at her mother house post her college. BTW she was a lecturer in a college. She used to always say she love her brother more than anything in the world( as if she is the only one blessed with a brother on this whole universe ). The moment she see her brother showing little care or affection towards his wife, it’s a gone case. Next day surely a big fight between husband and wife. She had made her brother a puppet. By default her parents were on her side. Father was numb because he was unable to speak against his wife and children. How can she like her?? She needed her privacy at least in this pregnancy matter and see who gets the UPT kit!! Hope I explained the reason why she hated her so much! Even the sister in law hated her so much but then she was pretending as if she loved her so much. Do you think anyone would be dumb enough for not knowing reasons for their fights inside the bedroom?? How silly of her sister in law!

And let’s get back to the actual thing. The husband returns from his night party may be by 12:30am on Sunday, and try to hug her and talk nicely as he was drunk and also because he left her and went. Also he is curious about the test result. She just did not speak much and silently she says goodnight and pretended to be sleepy. Then he sleeps off.

The same morning he couldn’t sleep well and he wakes her up early morning like 4am and they start speaking. This was something usual between them . If they were good, they used to talk more and more. Or sometimes if he was guilty, he used to feel sorry about it and used to treat her well and wanted to talk to her more . He was never been apologetic but she could feel he was guilty. He notices her being still angry and takes her into his arms and talk nicely. She could have been easily fooled by his nice and yummy talks you see! Then her anger came down and he asks her about the UPT result. She tells him, it’s a surprise and she laughs! But she could feel his curiosity. Later it may be around 6am and she finally decided to tell him what happened. Saying the result was faintly positive. She may be pregnant. He says it’s not possible and he is been very careful and all. Somehow after few minutes he couldn’t stay in the room and he went down. Their room was upstairs and the house was down. She din’t know what to do and she was just on the bed in the room imagining his thoughts and why he suddenly went off like that. It continued for an hour or so.

Then after an hour , his father go to the sons room and try to talk to her about it. He loved her like a daughter(more than his daughter). That’s what he mentioned to her many times in the absence of his wife and children. He was also helpless knowing how his wife and daughter were influencing on his son’s marriage. Let’s get back to the point. Now his father tells , it was too early for their son to have a baby as it’s just 6 months of marriage. In case if the result is positive , she should be think about it. By the way, the husband was 33years by then and she was 30years. She started weeping and kept silent without saying anything. Because inside her head she was so hesitated to talk anything thinking if this is the topic a husband should discuss or his father! He spoke and went down. But his father was the one who wanted his son to have a baby soon at-least then son would change for better and towards his wife by leaving his much focus on his mother and sister. After sometime she gets freshen up and go down for the regular kitchen work. His parents have gone for a wedding Non-veg lunch meanwhile the daughter stayed back home and takes an appointment in her brother’s friends hospital which was close to his fitness studio he owned that time. Then her husband tells her to get ready for a salon inauguration and then they need to go for a check up. She believes it and go with him. She was even told in case if she get pregnant, his family should be informed first and if they say no, then she shouldn’t proceed. She should not even tell her family without his family consent. Later she don’t know what happened in the tests of that hospital or with the medicine they gave. The reports came negative and said she was not pregnant. Her dream shattered followed by my mother in laws torture saying to turn her son towards herside (daughter in law side) , she lied. Is it a news to lie?? Can any girl hide her baby bum if it’s a lie?? After 2-3 days of hospital appointment she got her periods. After this the husband did not sleep with her for 2-3 weeks thinking she will get pregnant. It seems when he heard the news his wife may be a pregnant, he got chills and he was shivering as his family members said later as if like he is becoming father to an illegal child. After which the mother in law made sure she will keep track of her daughter in law monthly cycle and made sure she will feed her enough of black sesame seeds by making sweet out of it or raw papaya. And the mother in law tells daughter in law , nowadays girls are so forward that girls should know how to use protection and not to get pregnant. Look at her! Her son wants all the pleasure and Daughter in law should be taking pills and spoiling her health! Wow!! Kudos to this monster in law 👏 Till date when she hear about other girls being pregnant, for a real reason she gets depressed and she try not to attend many functions. Because it reminds her of the pregnancy incident she went through. It’s not that she jealous about other girls but Its about feeling sad for herself.

Am literally in tears while writing this. From the time Ria was married , her mother in law always accused her when nobody were around that she separating her husband from them all. But all daughter in law needed was a little Love , Care and a good family, not a separate house. As a surprise about the pregnancy check up she gets to know much later that it was for a termination of pregnancy(After the beating incident as mentioned in the earlier blog).

Thanks for reading!

When She was Pregnant! Part-1

In continuation with my previous blog, I missed an important part. Like most of the girls , she also wanted to get pregnant and have a family of her own. Somehow she had a fantasy of having twins, a boy and a girl. I promise 🙃 When she got married also all was in her head was to be a good Daughter-in-law to in laws, a good wife for husband and a very good mother to her children (assuming she will have TWINS)😂. After marriage her eagerness about having a child became more because she was so curious how their baby look like(I believe both she and her husband look good, atleast to my eyes 🤣) and both of them were a terror and crazy, she was more curious what if it inherits both of their behaviour together and how to handle that collective bunch😂 Because both of them were not easy to handle by everyone. Till this moment she wasn’t sure about her husband’s views about having children. But once he had told her, who doesn’t like kids??and he would love to drop and pick them up from school😂 and then spend time with them as he would want to be a good father.

It was may be 6 months after their marriage, she missed her periods suddenly. Waited for 5-6 weeks and it dint happen. Usually her cycles were regular. Somewhere she was tensed and kinda happy thinking what if it’s positive and scared thinking if they are really ready for it. Kinda mixed emotions. It was a Friday night (weekend) and she mostly had off from work on Saturdays and Sundays. That weekend her husband and his family were forcing her to go back to her parents as usual . Because their plans you remember(from my previous blog)?? Weekends their son must go out with his friends and his sister like how he was before marriage. If she there in their house she will create issues saying atleast on weekends he don’t give her time or takes out or atleast spend time with her inside the house. Because from the time they got married he always used to say he is very busy. May be they had planned well about this whole marriage before and after.

Let’s come back to the Friday night. Her husband tells her he has plans to go out on Saturday night and he checks with her if she would like to go to her parents house. She denies it angrily saying she do not wish to go as her parents doesn’t like her going there very often unless it’s with him or only if it’s needed. As her parents wanted her to give more time to the husband and his family to get adjusted and used to the matrimonial house than going there every now and then without husband. Her husband never liked accompanying her to her parents house. Everytime she used to go alone and it was their arrangement that she must visit my parents on weekends as their daughter will be with them every weekend. But her parents were not liking it and she used to get scoldings from them as it was a new marriage. Because they were scared that people would think she had fought with husband and come.

Well, again let’s go back to Friday night. After she denies to go back to her parents home she sleeps off without much talking. Next day is a Saturday and usually they were spending some more time as it was holiday for her and later she would go off to her parents on most weekends as per their plan. Next morning , he noticed that she was a bit angry and did not speak much also he had plans to go out leaving her on Saturday night and she was going to stay in their house , he wanted to handle her well and he was kinda sweet enough with his talks and actions. She felt , wow and it’s a good time and let me tell him the news. now she make up her mind to tell him , about missing her periods and she may or may not be pregnant. For her surprise , he dint react and he was shocked to know . She thought may be this is how all fathers reaction would be.

Then she asks him to get her an UPT(Urine Pregnancy Test) kit which he did not get her till that evening. He makes his sister to get the kit after planning with his family well. She was shocked and was totally unaware that she would get the kit as she was as expecting her husband would get her. She hated her sister in law because she was wicked. Somehow she had all weird notions about life , marriage and society. She used to think , because of society one should get married and it’s not compulsion that you have to be with your husband or wife all the time. You must be with your friends outside always like how you were unmarried. End of the day you will go back to bed with them. Basically she means , she don’t want to be with her husband all the time and her brother also shouldn’t be with his wife. She had put these thoughts into her parents as well as brother. She is kind of dictator in the family. One more important thing, she don’t like to have children as she thinks there is just one life and we should enjoy it. Kids and all unwanted pain and responsibilities. She had filled the same thoughts to her brother also. So he had the power of his mother and his sister. Father was a little better and he was not into these things. Let’s move on now!

First of all she was furious that her husband made his sister to get the kit, secondly he was not there when she wanted to do the test. With a sad mood, she checks and it was Faintly Positive which would leave her scratching her head. Is she really pregnant?? Read my next blog to know what happened later.

Thanks for Reading!